Missed Connections Monday

A series in which I review Craigslist missed connections ads and try to… help?

Picked Up FedEx / Buy Me a Margarita – m4w 

I just picked up a package that was delivered to your area instead of mine. You said you would buy me a margarita after my big event was done.It seems like there is some interest there, but is it just wishful thinking on my part? If it’s not just wishful thinking, then tell me my office number. 🙂


Dear FedEx,

I love your enthusiasm. I like to think that you raced back from your mail mix-up and had to do something, anything, to tell your dream girl how you feel and so this posting was born. That is the kind of live-fast, die-hard behavior that gets things done and it hasn’t gone unnoticed (well, not by me – TBD otherwise).

However, not to put to fine a point on it, this wasn’t a missed connection, FedEx!! It was just what the old folks call a connection. Your package pal is still out there (you have been to her…area – I’m just going to let that one go) and she is dying to find out whether you’re a frozen or on the rocks man. And listen, while I find the term ‘wishful thinking’ incredibly endearing, no one offers to buy another person a drink without at least a smidge of interest. Sure, there’s the small possibility that she just wants to ensure that she doesn’t end up stuck with your misplaced mail for eternity, but hey, foot in the door! What was I saying? Oh yeah, nothing here has been missed. You had a connection and you found yourself thinking wishfully. Now all you have to do is go back and get that margarita. Ooh maybe you could come up with some kind of clever ruse wherein you return a package to her but instead of a parcel, it’s actually just a totally reasonable honest expression of your interest to go on a date with her. That wasn’t sarcasm. You should do that.

What I am just dying to know is this: what was your big event? IS IT EVEN DONE? Why would you do this to me, FedEx? I can imagine at least ten scenarios right now that could be furtively named a ‘big event’ and I have no way of knowing whether it was one of them. (Most are, unfortunately, bathroom-related so I would love the ability to scratch those off the list.) My point is, I am arguably your strongest supporter and you’ve kind of hung me out to dry. Even worse, what if she doesn’t remember what your big event was and now you’ve turned it into a whole thing? She won’t be able to enjoy buying you that marg if she’s too busy worrying she’ll be found out. I’m sorry, that’s not entirely fair, but this is what happens when you hang me out to dry, FedEx. I guess capping the whole thing off with a smiley face makes up for being coy. Seriously though, don’t leave it to fate. This one you can totally handle without the help of Craigslist. Go to her (area), FedEx, and tell her how you feel.

Always salted,
Betty Chestnut

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